"I grew up in a good home. My parents were moral, stable people who taught me many invaluable lessons on life, but they did not teach me about Jesus. We never discussed spiritual matters in my family. Long after I was grown, this changed as my parents’ own spiritual odyssey with the Lord progressed. Yet as a child, I did not know much about Jesus beyond a few Bible stories learned at a mainline denominational church."
"My parents worked very hard building a business. I did not then understand the pressures of succeeding in business, all I knew was their long hours left little time for me. I began to feel that they did not love me. Inwardly, a belief grew in my heart that something was wrong with me if my own parents could not love me. I believed that I was flawed, inherently unlovable. Rejection can be real or perceived. I now know that my parents did love me, yet the damage was done. A by-product of my feeling rejected was that I pursued approval and love from other people. As a teenager, I tried very hard to be popular, to fit in. I lied often, saying what I thought people wanted to hear. I began to secretly smoke cigarettes, drink with other kids, and doing many things that compromised the values my parents had sought to instill in me. A deep sense of shame took root in my heart. I had been raised to be one kind of person, but given no power to resist sinful actions, I felt a failure. All those inward beliefs, I kept hidden from all. Yet, God knew my heart and He began to implement a "rescue operation". When I was sixteen, I heard the gospel of Jesus presented once. I felt inexplicably drawn to this Jesus, but fear of what others might think of me if I went forward to confess I was a sinner, kept me from accepting the offer of salvation. It was a serious mistake."
"After rejecting God, I lived only for myself. I was very selfish. My main motivation was to get people to love me. I never thought about what they needed. I began to date a young man who was later to become my husband. He behaved as though I was the most important thing in his life. I was hooked! When we married, I did love him, as much as a self-centered, insecure person is capable of. He too had many self-doubts and insecurities. Our marriage was a disappointment to me as my husband stopped the attention I so craved. I felt cheated. After three years of marriage and one child, I felt restless. There be something more to life than this. I read a book during this time that mentioned that one day Jesus would return to earth. I had never heard this before and knew intuitively that if Jesus returned that I was not prepared to meet Him as God of the universe. More disturbing to me was that I did not have a clue how one became ready to meet Him. I began a quest to get answers to these questions. After a year, I was invited to a co-worker’s church. There, I experienced again that same powerful "drawing" to give my heart and life to this Jesus who had died in my place to pay for my sins because He simply loved me. This time, I accepted Jesus offer of salvation from my sins. When I prayed and asked Him to forgive me and come into my life, something dramatic happened. I felt unconditionally loved for the first time in my whole life. It was real. No one could ever take from me this certain knowledge that God loved me personally. My husband, because of deep insecurities in his heart, asked me to deny my faith in Jesus and to never return to church, but I could never consider doing that. I can never thank God enough for taking the pain from my heart and replacing it His love. He changed me that day. The feelings of shame and worthlessness were gone! I no longer wanted to live only for self. I had a new love that I wanted to share with others. Was I perfect instantly? No! Yet, God began a lifelong process of taking out the inner lies I had believed about myself and replacing it with His truth. John 8:32 says that if I stay in His Word, then I will know the truth and the truth will set me free. There were many challenges ahead for me, but Jesus was with me, helping every step of the way."
"If you want to know Jesus, you
simply need to recognize that we are all sinners [Romans 3:23]
and invite Him to come in your heart [Romans 10:9-10]. He will
come and He will transform your life. "
At the age of forty, I was introduced to the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. I knew God, had grown in the knowledge of Him and His Son, Jesus Christ, and wanted all that He had to offer. After reading many books on the subject and being confident that this really was of God, I attended a meeting led by a Spirit-filled pastor and was prayed for to receive the infilling of the Spirit. There was no teaching about "yielding your voice" or "receiving by faith," so I went home without the manifestation of speaking in other tongues. For three months I begged God and tried to "understand" the why and how's of this gift. Finally one morning when I was desperately crying out to God, I spoke a phrase that had no meaning whatsoever to me. It sounded like Latin to me and immediately my mind said that it must be something I remembered from my singing background.(I had sung in French, Italian, German and Latin without understanding the language, just pronouncing the words.)
I didn't want something that I was making up or a counterfeit work. So I called a Spirit-filled Roman Catholic priest that a friend had told me about. By God's grace he was in his office and willing to speak with a stranger. I repeated the phrase to him and asked if he knew what it meant. His answer was, "praise to the most high God" or something similar. I asked him if it was Latin. He responded, "No, It is Greek". I thanked him and went back on my knees, this time confidently letting my new language flow and grow because I knew this was a language of which I had no knowledge in the natural.
Since that time my prayer language was changed many times as I continue to use it--expressing my love to Father, seeking revelation, being built-up spiritually when needed or praying for situations when I don't know how to pray. If you ask me today whether or not I understand what I'm saying or to define the mystery of this grace, I have to confess, "I'm just surrendering myself to and trusting Him."